I can't believe that it will be my very last week in Sydney until I come back; whenever that may be. Starting tomorrow, I'll have to start cleaning the house, pack my suitcase for another journey in another foreign, yet familiar country. The past 3 months, had been nothing but nice, fun and blasted months of my 8 years an a half stay in Sydney. The past year since August 08 had been nothing but a shining year in terms of dancing and being fit. However, the past year has not only being a shining year but also somewhat dark. Five months ago, I had a fraction of my life broken due to mental breakdown, depression and anxiety problems.

During my stay at TAFE, Sydney Instute; the first 18 weeks had been a blast. I met new friends, learnt a lot of things about the travel and tourism industry. The first 18 weeks, I had my mind set on becoming a flight attendant. We learnt about how to write out tickets, memorised global airport codes, had a big assignment, and had a fun excursion to the Domestic airport in Sydney. The second 18 weeks of Certificate IV and Diploma in Travel and Tourism Management, had been a cruise. We learnt how to write up reports, how to advice a selection criteria, how to become good managers, how to do budgetting, and for the first time learnt what Marketing trully is; the steps of a product life cycle and how to promote. The second 18 weeks of Certificate IV and Diploma, was allright. I passed with credits and a couple of passes, and a few credit transfers. And then... came the third and final 18 months at TAFE. The first 3 months were great, everyone was talking about what they would do once they finished the Travel and Tourism Management Advance Diploma course. Studies were getting harder and more demanding, there were times where a bundle of assignments are due on the same day for different subjects. That was when I fell short of knowledge and skills to finish the work required in the amount of time given. That was when I felt the pressure of deadline. Since I fail to hand in work on time, that was when I started getting into negative mode such as: anxiety problems, depression and mental breakdown. There were times when I wanted to start on assignments and exercises, however I lose all concentration and do some other tasks; surfing the internet is one of the few things I do when I wanted to start assignments and exercises. I tried to organise my time, however I couldn't abide to the set timings I put for each task. Using a diary was useless, even a big calendar was useless. So, since I couldn't finish everything, I started getting anxious about what the teacher will say if I said "Miss I haven't finished the assignment, is it possible for me to hand it in tomorrow?"

I stayed up late every single night of the week and cried my eyes out and being anxious. I stayed home due to being tired everyday, sleeping between 2 ~ 5am in the morning and couldn't go to TAFE. I contacted a friend for notes, however we ended up fighting, which resulted in me crying again in bed. Teachers started calling my house to look for me and talk me out of being a shut in. They tried to convince me that I could do the assignments in bits and pieces. But, I had no more brain cells for thinking. I knew I was being stubborn, but I had lost all the courage in myself to continue. I lost my dear friends because of this, I lost myself because of it. But through writing this out, is the only way I know how to start a new after December.

I wish and hope for everyone who had friendships/acquainted with me to once again trust me, to give me courage and a pinch of goodluck for the inevitable future that lies ahead. I know I will change, but I don't know how long that will take. I wish and hope that along the way, people will be with me in heart, mind, soul and spirit.

In this post I wish to amend wrong doings to the following people:
Amy - I thank you so, so much for your support for the past year and a half at TAFE. I know I've been a bitch to you for the last month of TAFE. But I hoped you had forgiven me for my wrong doings and bitchiness. For the days that we fought during TAFE last few weeks, I am trully sorry. But I know, saying the word "sorry" isn't enough. I don't really know what to say... It's just that I am very regretful for what I did. I wish you good luck for Korean ^^.

Dexter - I had so many things to say to you; thank you, I'am sorry, I love you. We used to be closer than we are now. Even though you are younger than me by a full 6 months, you are as mature as your age. Unlike me, who are so child - like, that you had to treat me like one. I thank you for your messages during the last few weeks of Travel and Tourism. They made me know that you cared enough for me. If you were older than me, *sigh* it would be so right to call you "oppa" again ^_^. I missed talking to you on msn, despite the fact that you are still on my list. I thank you so very much for that one hug you shared with me. Your scent will forever be engraved in my memory.

Noriko - If I still have the software to type in Japanese, this section for you would all be in Japanese. But I don't anymore, so english is the way to go. During the 3 months of the remainder of the 1.5 year of TAFE, you've been with me since then. I wished I could've stayed until the end with you and Rachel and Amy and Dexter. I wished I had the courage to at least meet you for the very last time on your farewell day. I thank you for being my friend. You've helped me a lot ^^. I hope to see you again whereever we may be.

Rachel - UNNIE SARANGHAE YO!! You are the best. Your kindness I'll never forget. Thank you for teaching me Korean. Thank you so so much for everything (whatever they may be).

That felt good ^________________________^. Now onto the nicer part of the year ^^. During the past year, I had participated in 2 showcases for Dancekool. They are Dancekool volume 23 and Just Dance. Dancekool volume 23, was the very first official showcase since I first live in Sydney. That night was the funnest night ever in the history of my dancing. Just Dance showcase four months ago was also a fun night. The night of the Just Dance showcase, was the first time I ever danced with my own crew. It was awesome. Overall, since the day I set foot through DK's treshold was the start of "fun".

I seriously thank you every teacher that I've been a student to, for teaching me all you know about dance. Thank you for making me so passionate about the one thing that my parents deemed as only hobby. THANK YOU SO MUCH JAYE!! You are the biggest part to my improvement. AKIO SAN, NAO SAN, TAKURO SAN and DAISUKE SAN~ ARIGATO GOZAIMASHITA!! Just Dance ato kara ima made osewa ni narimashita!

I thank you every friends that I had in DK for everything!! Spirit, friendliness and for giving me the best TIME while dancing at DK! I'll definitely be back, so while I am away, please keep coming to the studio. That way I know you'll all be there for me.

Labels: DK, reminiscence